Down 1.5kg, up 1.3kg

Well my week of being fully committed went great.  I dropped 1.5kg from Monday to Friday.  Then had gained 1.3kg by the next Monday weigh-in.

I didn’t think I ate that much!  I went to a dinner party on the Sat night but didn’t eat too much of the sweet stuff, focussing more on vege.  A few drinks but I drove so they were minimal.

Guess that means then that my perception of “not much” still needs some adjustment!

And this week has completely gone to pot.  I had a death in the family that I pathetically used as an excuse to eat lots of Easter stuff.

I’ve been diligent with training though and am looking forward to my first run in 4 weeks (injury time out) tomorrow.

My Mum is here now so that will help get my food back under control.  Last time she was here I lost a couple of kg’s in a week with all the yummy veg she cooked for dinner.

Oh and I entered my first ever half marathon!  Lots to train for now!


Update:  Two 6km runs yesterday and today.  Not the best times in the world but I managed to knock 1min off the second run so I’m happy with that.  And honestly, I’m just happy to be running again!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Maybe I’m just supposed to be


Yep, been absent for quite a while.  Partly due to life (moving country/starting a new job) and partly due to me hiding from the truth.

I have been letting things slide ever since I came back from my USA trip last year.  I put on a few kgs while I was away but then just slipped into old bad habits and found all the old routines settling back in.

Almost twelve months later I’ve put on more than 20kgs of the 56 I lost and am totally disgusted with myself.

I’ve been going to the gym regularly and running and doing PT but my diet has been appalling.  Plus I’m struggling with injuries which just messes with my head.

For the past few weeks I have been waking up about 3am feeling disgusted with myself and how much I’ve been eating.  3am.  Regularly.  What must I do to change this????  How long can one person keep waking themselves up just by sheer hate for themselves?



On Friday night/Saturday morning, something clicked.  It’s kind of like building a fire.  At the moment, I have the piece of flint and I’m getting sparks.  I’ve made good food choices all weekend and almost revelled in the feeling of being hungry.  It’s like that hunger is making me stronger.

The fire is just a spark at the moment.  But all it takes is a spark.

I look back on photos from my USA trip and realise I never actually appreciated what I had achieved.  And I don’t think I know/knew how to be fit/healthy or anything other than fat.  I’ve been overweight my entire life so I don’t know anything else.  I don’t know how to walk into every day clothes shops. I don’t know how to receive compliments.  I don’t know how to be anything other than fat.

But you know what?  Just because I don’t know how to do it, doesn’t mean I should have given up on it so easily.  Maybe, when I’m busy working out and eating right, I need to be working on my headspace as well.  Cause there are a lot of things I don’t know but I don’t give up on them.  So maybe I should stop giving up on myself.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Land of the Long White Cloud/New beginnings

Just a quick check-in cause it’s late and I’m buggered.

Things are going pretty well here in NZ.  I’ve found somewhere to live, work is going OK and I’ve had a couple of great social outings.  My Mum has been here for the last 10 days which has been wonderful and I’ll be very sad to put her on a plane tomorrow morning.

I’ve found a trainer and we’ve had our first session tonight.  It was a bit of a fitness test (including my first ever beep test) as well as some core work and a review of the program she has written for me.  We’ve booked a regular session for Monday evenings.

I’ve got a free week gym membership trial starting tomorrow and feeling quite hopeful about it.  I took out a 30 day membership at the gym around the corner but have only been a few times – partly because of my back and partly cause it actually wasn’t that nice. So I’ve been walking every morning and stumbled across this other gym a few hundred metres down the road from the other one.  Might as well give it a go.

Goals for this year include running a half marathon in July, weight loss, and getting a bib and/or medal every month of the year (i.e. do a race every month).  Plus I want to jump off SkyTower and do the Stunt Driving course my friends bought for me before I left Australia (but is for a course here in Auckland).

That’s about it for the moment.  Slowly finding my feet and feel confident I can make new friendships, build on the ones I’ve already made and prove to be a worthwhile outstanding investment at work.

A friend just posted this on fb.  Great perspective and always happy to look forward to something!

A friend just posted this on fb. Great perspective and always happy to look forward to something!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Time for reflection before leaving the country (and 2013)…

I’m not usually a fan of saying “if it wasn’t for this person, I wouldn’t be here” but I’m going to say it anyway.  If it wasn’t for Kim Bobbin of Active Exercise Physiology, I wouldn’t be here.

There’s no doubt that I did (and continue) the hard work.  It was me that got my butt to the gym and it was me that managed what I put in my mouth. But there was one person who encouraged me, supported me, trained me and believed in me.  She believed in me more that I believed in myself on most days.

She helped me set goals then exceed them.  She suggested blog posts that she knew would  cause me to have a light bulb moment.  She challenged me and she fed my need for (healthy) competition.

She knew the difference between an excuse and an injury, trained me to the point of exhaustion, gave me a moment to recover, then do it all again.  We never had the same workout twice, never wasted a workout and we never had a harsh word (not even when I just wanted to curl into the foetal position and hide).

Kim taking a selfie and still managed to capture us running up the hill.  That's skill!

Kim taking a selfie and still managed to capture us running up the hill. That’s skill!

She took photos of me to make comparisons and photos for this blog and photos just cause I thought my muscles might look good lifting weights.  She even took the banner photo at the top of this page (while making me sprint up some hellish stairs).

She kicked my butt when I needed it – most often cause I wouldn’t take a recovery or rest week, but also when I was too easy or hard on myself or when I refused to acknowledge my achievements.

But most of all, she made me feel fit.  Not just physically, but mentally.  Because why on earth would I think I could lose a heap of weight, do a 14km run or hill sprints or chin ups or SURFING or any other crazy thing we’ve done over the last few years?  I say crazy because the Jillian of 2011 (and many years prior) would have had half a thought of trying something new, laughed, then gone back to the couch with bag of chocolate.  The Jillian of 2013 is planning a move to a new country, a new job and a new fitness challenge (helllooo half marathon). And I’m looking forward to re-committing to my health objectives and having even more kick-ass goals (and before/after photos) to brag about.

ProgressLosing weight and/or getting fit isn’t easy.  In fact, it’s bloody hard.  But if you surround yourself with the right people, not just a cheer squad, but the occasional “kick up the butt” squad, then there’s a fair chunk of your battle right there.

So to Kim Bobbin of Active Exercise Physiology, I say thank you.  Thanks for seeing the person I could be and giving me the tools I needed to not only reveal her, but to actually like her.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Oh the irony

I’ve recently been looking into the potential of doing something about my back.

I have previously made reference to my back which has caused me problems for almost as long as I remember.  Then in 2009, it really caused issues when I herniated a couple of discs and was laid up for a couple of months.  Since then, I’ve seen a physio regularly (sometimes every couple of days and, at best, every 6 weeks) and my back goes out every 12 months or so and leaves me laid up for about 2 weeks each time.

But in addition to the physical effects, psychologically it’s been a battle as well.  The constant fear that it will go again, the shame when it does go and I have to rely on the help of family and friends as well as take time off work, and the ever-growing list of things I can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do for fear of hurting myself again.  I can’t tell you how silly/embarrassed/mortified I sometimes feel having to decline invitations, organise people to do everyday chores for me (like cleaning, lawn mowing and gardening).  Back injuries really are a mystery and very rarely ever the same between two people.  So what’s to say I’m not a big sook and it’s not as bad as I think or claim?

Part of my reason for losing weight was to try and help my back issues.  If I could take some pressure of my back and all other joints, maybe it wouldn’t cause me as many problems.  Yeah right.  It’s gone out twice in the last six months.  My recovery time is less but I still needed a week off work and another week of working from home some days.  The irony of losing weight and making my back worse is not lost on me!

So I spoke to my GP about seeing what else could be done.  We started with an MRI (to add to the CT I had in 2009) and then I went to see a neurosurgeon.  I don’t know what I was looking for, I guess some clue as to whether this is something I have to accept about my life but that, if there are other options, I can consider them and make an informed choice.


How are you at reading MRI’s? Damage to bottom two discs…

The neurosurgeon was very upfront once he looked at my films and basically said my injuries are not severe enough or impact my life enough to warrant surgery.  Apparently each occurrence has to cause me to be out of action for 6 weeks, not 2.  Words fail me.

Essentially the surgical options are so invasive that I would have to be much worse than I am to take the risk.  He did acknowledge that I do have damaged discs and they would probably continue to deteriorate to the point my body would perform its own version of a disc fusion.

He asked me what my goals were/what did I enjoy doing.  I said running and specifically, I wanted to do a half-marathon.  He said that my injuries shouldn’t stop me from achieving my lifestyle goals.  If I plan, train and continue to build strength, he can’t see why I can’t run a marathon.

I’m in two minds about this.  Firstly, it is nice/good/validating to have my injury acknowledged. By the same token, to be told it’s not serious enough to receive any sort of treatment is tough.  I guess all I can do is continue to build my strength, maintain my weight and continue training.

It did also make me think that I need to manage how I work better.  I work a lot of hours including a lot of driving or sitting at my desk/in meetings.  I’m not good at taking a break while driving, usually because I’m so pressed for time to get to my destination.  When I’m in my office, I try and get up regularly (the printer is on the other side of the building) but can still find myself at my desk for hours on end.

I’ve spoken to my physio who suggested one of those back frame net things, a person at work (who was next to useless) but I’ll have to try someone else and see what they can suggest.  I’ll also have to change how I work.  Last week I drove 1500km and worked 33 hours on top of that driving.  That’s gotta stop!

My key thing is, for most of my life, I’ve asked my body to carry a ridiculous amount of weight.  And apart from my back issues in recent years, it did it.  Now I’ve lost that weight, I need to do everything I can to help my back work better and help me to achieve my fitness and lifestyle goals.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Changing shape

50kgs difference

50kgs difference

While the scales aren’t really moving for me at the moment (which is both a positive and negative in itself), I have noticed that my shape is changing.  My trainer also pointed this out the other day.  I had taken a photo before I started my 10km and made it a comparison photo and my trainer suggested I go and look at the photo from when I finished City2Surf and she’s right.  Even just my arms have changed in the last few weeks.

A few weeks difference

A few weeks difference

Today at work someone asked me if I was still losing, because she could see that my shape was changing.  I’m finding those comments more rewarding than any at the moment because I am working hard on toning and also doing lots of running.  I had said towards the start of this year that I didn’t want to focus on weight loss but whatever incidental loss came from training I would appreciate and that’s exactly what’s happening.

And I’m sooooo loving the extra daylight at the moment.  This morning I was out running by 5.30am which lets me get 6km done and still be at work by 7.30am.  I’ve also churned out two Uni assignments in the last few days – all as a result of being on track and having extra energy.  And having holidays next week!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A Datsun Day

Huh? What on earth is a Datsun Day?  Or are you a complete revhead like me and get it?  Let’s just say I burnt a large number of calories last Sunday – a number same as a certain Datsun model.

IMG_3207I was originally going to work out with a bunch of people my PT trains – a bit of a workout/social gathering of Active EP PT clients.  It was cancelled on the Sat due to the high chance of rain so I got up Sunday morning and did my usual 7km.  Part way round I could hear my phone getting messages and thought to myself “I bet the workout is back on”.  Sure enough, when I got home, there was a message on fb that for those that were still available, we could do a workout at Tathra Beach. Why not?

Despite my strict, self-imposed rule of no food 3 hrs before a workout, I knew I would need to eat breakfast to give my body enough fuel to complete another workout (love the thought of fuelling my body appropriately).

So we did the Beach Stairs which I’ve only done once since the original time with Kim – read the blog here.

Charge!  Lap No. 1

Charge! Lap No. 1

We did one lap as an orientation walk then did it for real – 10 times.  After 10 I still had a few in me so I went again and Kim very kindly came with me.  It makes such a HUGE difference to have someone stick with you and keep you focussed.

Second calorie burn of the day

Second calorie burn of the day

I felt like after 13 I left everything I had on those stairs and yet I am still so surprised at how quickly I recover. By the end of 13 I was gasping for breath and absolutely buggered but by the time we walked down the stairs again my breathing was returning to normal and I was feeling pretty good.  I also feel like my fitness has kicked up a notch in the last few weeks.  Part of it was due to the 10km, the day after that I felt a change, like I was ready to go hard and achieve all new goals.

Kim leading me up the stairs - no choice but to stick with her and get it done

Kim leading me up the stairs – no choice but to stick with her and get it done

Now the photo below, I was originally thinking “oh great an arse shot” and had no intention of posting it.  But then, I had another look.  Sure, there’s bits flying in every direction and it may be considered unflattering.  But instead, I actually see strength.  I see hard work.  Fitness.  Determination.  Muscles.  And I feel pride.

The arse shot

The arse shot

PS – Still not getting the Datsun reference?  I burnt 1600 calories for the morning.  Flashback!

imagesPPS – Jan this year when I did the stairs I burnt 753 calories over 8 laps.  This time it was 734 over 13 laps.  Go the fitness!


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment