Deja Vu

Here we go again.  Claiming to be back on the wagon.  That it’s different this time.  This time I’ll stick with it, get the results and make sure that I don’t gain it all back.

Deja vu much?

So what is different about this time?

No idea.

Here’s what I do know.  I’m wholly aware of what I’m eating and the choices I’m making.  I’m not obsessing about how much I’m not exercising and focussing more on balance.  Which is critical at the moment with full time work, rehearsing for a show, studying, volunteering, playing sports and just being.

So instead of constantly criticising myself, feeling guilty for not getting up at 5am every day to go for a walk and teetering on the edge of a downward spiral, I’m OK.  In fact, more than OK, I’m thriving on it.

The weight is consistently dropping, I have energy and I’m looking ahead thinking that I can see this being sustainable.

I also have perspective on why the other times haven’t been sustainable.  For the most recent weight-loss (56kgs over about 18 months) I went hard at it.  I was exercising 7-10 times a week, strictly eating to the required calorie count (1200 day) and focused on the scales.  And it worked.  Physically at least.  I dropped a heap of weight and was really fit.

Mentally not so much.  I couldn’t “see” me.  I could see the before and afters and the weight that had disappeared but I couldn’t relate to the person in the after pictures.  My whole life I’ve been a before picture and I didn’t know how to be fit and healthy.  It was ridiculously easy to slip back into not exercising, eating copious amounts of crap and loading most of the weight back on.

Earlier this year I was depressed and thinking that surgery was the only option open to me.  I thought that I had adjusted my eating and still wasn’t losing weight so maybe I should resort to surgery.  But even that was only half a thought and I just continued along as always.

I don’t know exactly what has now caused this shift in my thinking – I’m pretty sure I’d be a trillionaire if we could figure out what makes us tick with regard to weight loss. But I’m going to run with it whatever it is.

I’m learning that I need to find a balance between flexibility and routine.  I thrive on routine but it’s not always possible to the next best thing is to apply a level of flexibility.  Routine for me was three solid meals a day, plus snacks.  Now, it’s at least two healthy meals plus healthy snacks.  It’s having a glass of wine with my colleagues on Friday afternoon and a meal out with a friends occasionally.  I guess more than anything it’s awareness.  Knowing that I have a business lunch so planning smaller meals around that and also reviewing the menu early to make a good choice.  I kinda get the feeling that this is what everyone else has been doing their whole life. Guess I’m just a bit slow on the uptake…

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