“I think I’m done”

Actually, I know I am.  I am done with weight loss.  My focus is no longer weight loss.  I am not trying to lose weight.

I have been wondering for a while now what I can do differently.  I’m not losing much weight, I’m not strict with what I eat every second of every day (though I still write food plans and eat healthily), my training is more about running and going hard to feel great than following the 12WBT exercise plan and my focus in general is on all these amazing things I’ve never had the courage to try (hello horseriding!).

I’ve written some posts in here recently about focusing more on who I am now rather than the weight I have lost.  I want to be fit, healthy, happy Jillian, not someone who is defined by the 56kgs I have lost.

Over the last few weeks (and longer) I’ve been thinking I should be beating myself up for only losing a few hundred grams each week.  I SHOULD be beating myself up, but I just didn’t have the heart for it.  I’ve lost 56kgs and, according to the Dexascan, I’m in a healthy weight range, so why should I be beating myself up?

Then I remembered a conversation a friend of mine had with someone a while ago.  She was feeling guilty and beating herself up as she had taken what she considered a long time to complete her PT qualifications.  The response from the person she was talking with was “maybe it was supposed to take that long”.

When I remembered this, I tried applying it to my situation:  maybe this is where I’m supposed to be.  Maybe this is the weight I’m supposed to be.  Maybe my focus should now be on fitness and my running goals and enjoying my newfound energy and excitement for life and all those things I want to challenge myself with rather than losing weight.

Almost at once, I felt different.  Excited because I had done what I set out to do and while I wasn’t at a nice round number (I like symmetry),  I was happy with what I had achieved and how I looked.  Quite often I catch my reflection in a mirror and am blown away by what I see.  It’s not perfect and there is still weight that could be lost but it’s a heap better than it’s ever been. And hey, there’s nothing to say I won’t lose more because my eating and training won’t change much, they will just be more about chasing that record time in my next 5km!

I wasn’t feeling 100% about the decision/realisation until I spoke with my PT.  I was pretty sure it was the right thing for me but have always valued Kim’s input and opinion.  So after PT this week, I tentatively raised it (“Hey Kim, I think I’m done”) and received wholehearted support.  An important point Kim made, and one I hadn’t even considered, was that it was great that I was coming to this conclusion by myself.

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And the funny thing is, it’s not a neat little package like at the end of a 12WBT round or my current weight and weight I have lost aren’t nice round numbers, none of this fits in a box.  Maybe nothing about me has to fit into a box anymore.

So, this is me.  Setting goals, working hard in the gym and pounding the pavement.  Still writing meal plans, thinking of food as fuel and valuing the occasional treat meals.

Living the life I’ve long been destined for.

Gosh I’m excited!

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2 Responses to “I think I’m done”

  1. Kim says:

    You should be able to ‘like’ these posts! Like, like, like! Who ever would have thought you’d become so wise in the process

  2. Pink Penny says:

    You’re still eating the same food and not changing anything, so your body will automatically find its own “I’m done” phase regardless of whether “you’re done” in your head or not. I think Michelle’s “your body’s perfect” video sums up this nicely. So nice to see that your now happy with your own perfect body.

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