What did I miss?

I look at the fabulous results people have achieved in 12WBT and on our 30+ page and feel so happy for them.  There is no doubt that they have worked hard and I am so pleased they are seeing the results of their hard work.

And I’m jealous as all get out.

Not of their results, but of their lives.  Quite often they make comments with their photos, like they haven’t worn these jeans in three years, or first time in swimmers in five years. Then there are the photos of friends and families and children.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with my lot in life (for those that don’t know me I’m single and have no children), but every now and then I can’t help thinking how my weight might have affected my choices and my opportunities.  Because I have NEVER been a healthy weight.  I have NEVER been fit.  I have NEVER been in the health weight range.

Sometimes, like now, this makes me sad.

Pain-from-being-overweight-300x300Did my weight stop me from living life to the fullest?  Did my weight stop me from pursuing opportunities?  Did my weight stop me from believing somebody would be interested in me as more than a friend?  Did my weight cause me to sabotage relationships?  Did my weight stop me from thinking I was worthy of being a parent?

I don’t know where to go with this blog.  I don’t have any answers, I don’t know what any of this means, I just had to admit to myself that as exciting as this weight loss is, I wonder how much my life of poor choices  might have cost me.

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4 Responses to What did I miss?

  1. Coco Girl says:

    Thank you for being so honest. I feel the same sometimes and get so sad in myself about it. Kids I used to babysit are now married and being parents and to be honest I feel like shit. That’s hard enough but then when we think we ourselves are to blame if we sabotaged our own lives, well….that just adds to it. I don’t have answers unfortunately hon except to say you are not alone in feeling this. You have done amazing work and I think this is going to turn your life around because you have created this new direction for yourself. Thanks for saying what so many of us feel. Sending you love and hugs xoxo

  2. abyw123 says:

    If you hadn’t been on the journey that you have been, you would not have become the person you are today. There is still so much more to come now that you have made choices to save and prolong your life. So, don’t be sad about the past – be happy for what the future holds.

  3. lynn says:

    Your life isn’t over. It is just beginning a whole, new and wonderful chapter. Look forward into the future. The past is behind you and cannot be changed. You are a special person, believe in yourself.

  4. Kim says:

    Jil this blog is not a meltdown or dummyspit but more a realisation about the changes that have occurred not only in your body but in your mindset and how you now think about yourself. The Jillian of 2011 may have been overweight, but the Jillian of 2011 was also lacking self worth, confidence, courage and self love. It’s the old chicken and egg thing…which one came first?

    Not only have you committed to exercising, eating healthy and arming yourself with knowledge, but you made the bigger commitment of ‘sorting your head out’ – the step most people fail to tackle. So whilst your weight was probably a major factor in all those things you feel you may have missed out on, it was also probably one element of a number of issues, but the most visible to others. The good news is, it’s part of your story, part of your lessons in life and a constant motivator to keep you striving to be who you want to be.

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