I recently had a weekend looking after my brothers children while he and his wife had a weekend away. I’m learning to not let weekends away and social occasions scare me too much now but obviously try hard not to over indulge either. I’m finding that balance between being social and engaging in food/drinking activities with moderation and seeming like a complete outcast cause I won’t let a morsel past my lips. I’m not perfect at it by any means but I’m very aware and consider everything that I eat and what the choice might mean for me.
Anyway, for dinner we had homemade pizzas. Very lovely, and not too calorie laden cause they were very thin bases and minimal cheese. I only had two pieces which I would normally supplement with salad or veggies so I was still a bit hungry and confident I still had some calories available to me that day (saved some from lunch as well). So when the kids had gone to bed and the others were distracted with guests I went into the kitchen and scoffed a biscuit. Now I could have asked and it would have been fine but I didn’t. And to be honest, I had been coveting them since I arrived cause they were baked fresh that afternoon and I had eaten them on previous visits so knew they would taste lovely.
Over the course of the weekend I did eat quite a few biscuits, not nearly as many as I would have a year ago but still quite a few. They were kept in a container on the bench and I know the kids ate them occasionally as well.
It got me thinking about the food you make available in the house and whether it’s being eaten because people are hungry or because it’s there and if that particular food is the right choice.
When I was growing up, Mum (with help from us kids) would cook maybe every month or so but it would usually be a couple of batches of biscuits and a cake which was to last us for that month. But they probably didn’t cause I know I and my siblings used to eat way more than was needed cause it was there. They weren’t sitting out on the bench but they were there nonetheless.
At some point my sister had a mindset change and became very focused on her sport and fitness and starting eating more fruit and being healthier. But my brother and I never had that click for us so we used to consume huge amounts of food. Rarely together, it was always a secret but thinking back I know he was doing it and I used to justify my own actions through his.
Fruit was always available to us but rarely eaten.
Now I go to my sisters house and the natural choice for her children is fruit. When preparing their morning tea I watch them prepare a lovely tasting plate to share and there might be the odd biscuit or piece of cheese but most of it is fruit.
Observing my brothers children this weekend it was all about those biscuits. I went looking for a piece of fruit on the Sunday morning and found it but it was down in the crisper in the fridge while the biscuits were still on the counter top. And sure enough, the biscuits were consumed by Sunday morning.
I would hate for the above to seem like a judgement. I am in no position to judge anyone on how they conduct themselves, feed their family or teach their children. I’m just becoming more aware and observant of health and fitness.
I’m not a fan of the word but I think it’s fair to say I’m a food addict. I’ve never bothered to learn moderation and had a mindset that it was there so I should eat it. Even living alone and doing the grocery shopping, I would buy chips, chocolate etc and most times the chips would be eaten that night. It wasn’t because I was worried that someone else would beat me to them (can’t blame the cat for that one) but simply because they were there. Same with chocolate, it was constantly on my mind that it was there waiting to be eaten.
A lot of my self awareness on this journey has been because of chocolate. Giving it up and realising I will probably never eat another chocolate bar has taught me a lot. I’ve extended that thought to a lot of sweet things. I won’t cook most desserts or snacks suggested my Michelle on the 12wbt because I don’t trust that I will stop at just one. I won’t cook the Banana Bread that everyone raves about because I don’t trust I won’t eat the whole loaf rather than freeze it.
Last night my trainer was telling me that she cooked choc caramel slice as a treat for her partner and my automatic reaction was “yum”. Then I thought about it and realised “not yum”. I never really liked the dark choc on top of the slice and no one used to get the caramel just right like my Mum did. Actually sitting here thinking about it, the thought of eating one doesn’t appeal to me at all. Too sweet, too many calories and not worth it. My how times have changed.
I guess that’s the real mindset change. Instead of thinking eat because it’s there, I think “do I really want this? Is it worth the calories? Am I prepared to go hungry tonight because I’ve eaten all my dinner calories in a piece of slice?”.
I guess Christmas is going to be the real test. But then, I am working hard to reach my goal of 50kgs lost by Christmas so I doubt I’ll be compromising that result by over indulging.