The Hidden Stash

I had to dig out a bag this morning to take my Uni books on the road with me. i opened it and found a half finished bag of lollies. This in itself is a very rare occurrence – the old me would very rarely leave a half eaten anything, even if I was full to bursting.

The range of emotions I felt when I discovered it was astounding. I think first was sheer joy – what a find! Lollies! They didn’t look that appetising but who cares? They were lollies!!!! I could open the packet right now and inhale them without thinking. But I haven’t had breakfast and my number one rule is no junk before breakfast (except now it’s no junk at all).

But then NO!!!!!! I have lollies in the house! NOOOOOO! Mum was due to arrive shortly, could I give them to her to take away? Should I put them straight in the bin? Should I eat one?

I put them down and continued rushing to get ready and only saw them again when I walked past. Again, what to do?!?!?! It’s almost like they’re guilt free. I haven’t been to the shops and bought them (recently), they look so tempting.

Now that I’m out of the house, I realised I was still thinking about them. I have half a bag of lollies in my house. I could eat them when I get home.

But I know I won’t. As much as that initial rush almost had me ripping the bag and devouring the lot without thinking, I won’t do it. I’ve strayed a bit from my eating plan already this week and instead of thinking, well stuff it, lets just have a complete blowout, all I think is I need to get back on track I want those scales to continue dropping each Wednesday.

I’m going to take pride in not eating them. But I’ll also play it safe and put them in the bin (not the nice clean one in the kitchen either, the gross one that goes out for collection).

While I’m at it, I think I’ll throw out the chocolate in the pantry. Haven’t eaten chocolate since Nov 11 and don’t plan on it. Having the chocolate there was almost a dare with myself and a sense of pride every time I saw it and didn’t eat it. But why tempt fate. Look out chocolate and lollies, when I get home, you’re gone!

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