I don’t think it’s self-sabotage exactly but I realised today that as hard as I’m working towards my goals I don’t actually BELIEVE I’m going to achieve them. I’ve been down to about 95kgs before (about 5 yrs ago before I went to Europe) and I feel confident I will get there again. But as for getting past that point – I just can’t imagine it.
I tell myself I can. I even ordered this dress in a Size 14 as a goal outfit. I stick to the program and work hard at the gym. I see (and feel) the changes in myself. But I just don’t see me as anything but overweight.
Normally when I encounter an issue with this program, I have some clue how to address it or working towards addressing it but this time I’m kinda stuck. The only thing I can think of is to keep on keeping on. Maybe by making sure I stick to it I will end up in that place I can’t imagine. I do know I’m too scared to stray. I imagine ordering pizza some nights but know that the calories are just not worth it. And I get annoyed at how consuming my food plan is. On the weekend when I work out the next week and what my shopping list will be it gets kind of annoying with the amount of time it takes. But then, hasn’t food always consumed and controlled me? It’s just that now I’m trying to take back that control. If it’s time consuming so be it.
So, keep doing it. Keep following the program. Keep going to the gym. Keep doing it all, even if the goal posts aren’t quite visible yet.