I had an epiphany the other day – I haven’t had a migraine in ages. In like forever. Hmmm, what could cause that do you think? The fact that I gave up chocolate!?!?!?!
Confession: I used to eat chocolate every single day. And I don’t mean a bite, or a bar, or even half a block. My last phase I used to eat those Flake Bites. A whole bag. In one sitting.
For me, dinner wasn’t the main event. After dinner was. Didn’t stop me having a huge, calorie loaded dinners but that wasn’t important to me. I couldn’t cope if there wasn’t chocolate in the house. Which meant I was going to the supermarket every couple of days (cause I couldn’t possibly buy LOTS of chocolate because people would notice) and buying heaps of not needed items and wasting money.
When I was staying at someone else’s house I would sneak chocolate at some point, sometimes even after I had brushed my teeth and got into bed.
One day, when I had been going to the gym for a couple of months and was slowly finding my mojo, I was looking in the pantry for my chocolate and saw a packet of dried fruit and nuts. As I reached for the chocolate, I thought “If I were stronger, I would eat those instead of chocolate”. Did I? Nope, I picked up the chocolate and started walking back to the loungeroom.
But about halfway there I thought why not? Why don’t I become that person? So I turned around and put the chocolate back and grabbed the dried fruit instead. There were three bags of Flake Bites in the pantry that day (I had obviously just been shopping!).
They are still there.
That was November 2011.
I can’t ever eat chocolate again because I can’t afford to get back on that roller coaster. I don’t want chocolate to consume my thoughts any more. So it has to go. I posted this on my fb page at the time:
It is a week today since we broke up and while there’s no doubt I miss you, I still think it’s for the best. I miss you most at night, when you were so sweet and comforting and gave me something to look forward to. But now, I find strength in not reaching out to you. So this is it, goodbye forever. I would say it’s a dark day but I actually preferred your milk variety; was never really a fan of the dark. Nor the white. Whichever one of you may have tempted me previously, it is over my dear, beloved chocolate. Good luck to you and all whom consume you.
My friends thought it was most amusing but, to me, it was pretty close to the truth. I thought chocolate was helping me deal with my problems when in fact it was probably one of the major causes of those problems.
I have a kind of self-righteousness in not having chocolate now. I’m no longer a slave to it and hope that the resolve I feel now will stay with me.